"Why didn't you tell me you are a 'dancer'?"

I have been preparing for this day since I started being heavily involved in the burlesque scene about 5 years ago. When I first started I waved my real legal name around as well as my stage name, but then when I started getting serious about it, I got a separate Facebook, Twitter, etc.

Fast forward to this morning. I was on my 3rd day of my brand new job, which was a nanny gig. Lovely family, awesome kid. Hours were amazing. Everything about it was pretty perfect.

Until today.

Around 10:45, I was playing with some Play Doh with the kid and we were having a great time doing so. Mom came downstairs (she works from home) and told me she had to talk to me. I said, okay go for it. She said to me,

"So, your background check just came back. Why didn't you tell me in your interview that you are... a dancer?"

She had a look on her face of mild disgust and a little bit of fear mixed in. I told her the truth:

"I keep my private life and my professional life as separated as humanly possible". I stood up to talk to her and the woman BACKED AWAY from me. She told me that me hiding this "changes everything", and she now had to call her husband to discuss whether they could keep me on. She went upstairs, and came back downstairs about 10 minutes later (maybe even less, it just felt like an eternity) and told me she was going to pay me for yesterday and today, and that she was so sorry it didn't work out. She really liked me. Liked. Past tense. And she hoped I understood, it was because I kept the secret from her, and because of a cultural difference. She ended everything by saying "Hopefully you can find a family with a more open mind."

I left the house. I had a good cry. An ugly cry. You know those cries, when boogers and tears are all over your face and in your hair, and your eyes get all puffy and gross. It lasted the ride home (15 minutes... it was even close to my home!), then I got home, and thought about all of this.

Yes. I am a "dancer". I'm a burlesque performer. I'm a stripper. A model. An alt. model. A cosplayer. What else can I name? But the fact is, my hobby (and/or sidejob) is still taboo. Also, what I do after I clock out at 6pm is my business as long as it will not hinder my being able to work or keeping the child safe.

I have a childcare resume that could be made of gold. I have excellent references. I have an extensive history working with any age level thrown at me (for lack of better words). I have a clean driving record, and a reliable vehicle. I have been working with kids since I was 14, doing babysitting jobs, nanny gigs, summer camp counseling jobs, etc. I am an incredibly capable worker... but the fact that I don a pair of tassels and some fringe is offensive.

Please, someone fill me in where this is "unsafe" for your child between the hours of 8:30am and 6pm? Am I rhinestoning a bra during arts and crafts time? No. Am I practicing my tassel twirls during dance time? Hell no. You know what I am doing? Keeping to the schedule that the employer gives me, doing everything in my power to keep the child (or children) safe, healthy, and happy. I mean please, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs, I only drink (socially) on the weekends, and for fuck's sake I'm usually in bed by 10:00 during the week just so I know I won't be all gross and exhausted the next day!

What do I spend the paycheck I am given on?
-Car bills
-Insurance bills
-Groceries
-Clothing
-Misc. fun stuff
-Rhinestones
-Costuming

Now, discriminant parent, what do you spend your money on? Everything except the rhinestones and costuming (unless you are buying rhinestones and costuming for YOUR extracurricular activities which I do not care to know about since it is none of my business what you do after I leave that house every evening).

Now when I cried at the loss of my job, I did not feel an ounce of shame for what I do. I never did. I still do not. I cried because hell, I just lost my main source of income after only THREE DAYS because someone has a closed mind about someone who is beyond capable (and happy) to take care of their first born. It hurt that only 2 hours before this same parent was warmly talking to me about colleges and weekend plans and etc and so on, but then was looking at me as if I were a disgusting creature. A creature dressed in pasties and a g string. Mind you I was wearing fluffy slipper socks, baggy carpenter pants and a huge sweatshirt complete with no makeup and a loose ponytail. Could not be more glamorous, obviously.


My last thought will be, I am not trying to "slam" this family. They are a wonderful, loving, welcoming family, and I have been mentally preparing myself for this for years, since I love working with kids, I can understand (to a point) the problem. But at the same time (as I said before) I'm not hurting anyone with what I do in my private life. It's just a shame that the employer lost someone so invested in a job, over something they could not get over. My other thought is: if that has been coming up on my background check for the last 5 years... no one else had a problem with it, why should you?

I'm going to finally close with a few clips that are from cartoons and/or family films that have pretty much opened the doors to what I do today....

Who is the controversial Lily Stitch(es)?

I haven't posted in over a year. This is very true. When I set out to do this blog I was jobless and had all the time in the world... then I picked up my full time muggle job and here we are!

I thought I needed to write a blog post about this.

My dad and I have always been... well... we've had an interesting relationship. When we are close we are super awesome bff close. But when we fight, the world might as well be collapsing around us. Ever since I was young we have never been able to have a sit down discussion without one of us to both of us screaming at each other and fighting (he would usually be the trigger). We have gone up to two months without speaking after a fight (I know, some people go years but months is a long time, too).

Recently an issue came up with him, which lead to me full on outing myself as a burlesque performer to him. He had a vague idea of me, thinking I mostly modeled, I cosplayed, and that's about it. But his lady friend went around saying I was a stripper a couple of months back, and I knew whenever the drama hit the fan in his home it would come up again. I admitted to being a performer, and he said that no matter what he'd be proud of me. Yesterday we had the very first conversation.. in my entire life.. that didn't result in a terrible screaming match and hurt feelings.

Today he stopped by again, and we had a two hour conversation over what I do. He read the two Courier News articles I was in. And expressed his worries, which is fine, he is my dad. His two big "problems" were people judging me, and just my overall safety. He asked me after almost 6 years I never told him. I told him the truth: that I was afraid. We never have actual sit down talks without one of us getting all riled up. And it was just... really nice. It was nice to actually talk. And tell him things. And he saw the articles and I told him stories and he was just so surprised. And told me he was proud of me.

I'm an incredibly lucky person. I have a supportive group around me. My friends, my family. I just... I don't think I could feel better right now. And I just wanted to share it with the world.

Thanks, Dad. For stepping up for me. And just being you. 

The big leap.

I performed at Salon Con 2007 as well as Wicked Faire 2008. I performed Closer again as well as a comedy act with a friend of mine where I'm a man and she's a sexy bellydancer and we switch clothes and it was silly fun. At Wicked Faire I debuted a new act (that was only done that one time) with a guy friend of mine to the Foo Fighters' Cover of Darling Nikki. But I wanted to perform more. Every few months wasn't cutting it, and I was obsessing over Richard Cheese at the time.

I was dating a guy at that time as well named Simon. I was head over heels for him. And he... was not a fan of this new obsession with burlesque. He pretended to be. Hell, he even helped stage manage for the White Elephant show at Wicked Faire. And after that, he wanted me to have none of this business. While I wanted all of it.

In late April, WEBS had a bunch of shows lined up for that Summer. But I was still itching to perform! I couldn't get enough of it. I started talking to Simon about it, and it started a gigantic blowout fight. I don't even remember the details of the fight but in the end he challenged me, "Why don't you try doing it in NYC?" He thought it would shut me up. I went home that night and googled message boards. And found the Luvely Rae.

She gave me a spot in her show "The Luvely Rae's One Night Stand". And I pulled out a nurse uniform I used when I performed in Shock Treatment and all of my leopard print undergarments (I have no idea why but this whole outfit made total sense at the time...) and a good friend did my hair for me before the show. Everyone piled into my little yellow Beetle and I told my mom that we were off to the city for a night of fun (more to come on this later) and we were off.

I was terrified. That night it was myself, Sizzle Dizzle, Rae, and a young man named Lo Hung performing. I sat at the bar with my friends, not really talking. And Sizzle Dizzle walked up to me, and introduced herself. I was still terrified. She saw my Hello Kitty bag then told me that the most popular Hello Kitty item is the Hello Kitty vibrator. I relaxed, and we went backstage to change. I mostly kept to myself, or tried to. But I ended up talking with Sizzle and Rae here and there, and making friends with Lo Hung as well. Sizzle gave me makeup tips (that I still use to this day) and then... came my big NYC debut.

Cringe-Inducing

I hope I've gotten better than that. I know the costume has at least... But there I am. In big bad New York City making my big burlesque debut. 

And it was only going to get more crazy.

The Beginning (A Very Good Place To Start!)

It was Summer of 2007. I was 20 years old (21 that September) and avidly participating in a local Rocky Horror Picture Show cast. A large chunk of the cast had created a burlesque troupe for fun for a local Victorian convention known as Salon Con (it can be described as a Steampunk convention before Steampunk was super cool) and it looked just so cool. I saw everyone perform the year prior and it just looked so cool. I wanted, no, needed to do it. I'd heard of burlesque before (on ye olde internets) but I had never seen it before the White Elephant Burlesque Society's show in 2006. Everyone looked so amazing and sexy and everyone was just so talented. So I went to Fae and Viktor and asked if I could do the show at the 2007 show they put on "Burlesque Sucks" (It was a Vampire theme) at the Floating World. They said I could definitely come in and do it with them, and gave me a song. "Closer" by Nine Inch Nails. I knew that song. The heavy beats. The darkness of it. I loved it. I went to work on it immediately. Then raided my closets for everything and anything vinyl, pleather, and Hot Topic-y (I worked at Hot Topic when I was 17, I still had a bunch of overflow). I then went over to Viktor's house to work with him and Fae on my movement. And I needed little correction. I'll never forget how awesome I felt after that first rehearsal, and how excited I was for things to come.

The day of the show I was a huge mess. My mother's wedding was a week away, and I was just too nervous to actually be taking my clothes off in front of complete strangers (though I was doing Rocky Horror for a year prior... HOW IN HELL WAS THIS DIFFERENT?!) I got my hair done that day. And the lady messed it up. It killed me, but I had to push on. I got dressed and then proceeded to tease up my hair and was out the door and on my way! I put on my vampire teeth in the car, and a ridiculous pair of cat eye contact lenses to match.

Lily Stitches the Goth Child was born.

I was terrified. But I think it is safe to say that I rocked it. If I didn't... don't burst my bubble. It was my first time! The following events that evening I'd prefer to forget about... but the show itself went incredibly smooth, and thus... I had dipped my toes into something that I never thought I'd be doing five years in the future...

*Yawn* *Blink* Hello!

Hello!

My name is Lily Stitches. Chances are you probably already know me. Which is why you're here. But if you don't, well...

I'm a burlesque performer out of New Jersey. I've been featured on Kotaku. Felicia Day digs my Codex act. Edgar Wright dug my act as Ramona Flowers with my bff Luna Chase as Roxy Richter. I was featured  in the NJ Daily Record and the Sunday Press. And I'm pretty awesome.

I've been thinking about doing a blog like this for awhile but I just haven't had the time (or the computer) to actually do this until tonight. So here we go. This blog is pretty much going to be these things:

-I'll be posting my "start" in burlesque.
-Videos with my random ass commentary. Like how I thought of the act and so on and so forth.
-Photos from various shoots (again) with my random ass commentary.

Maybe even stuff from my daily life? Who knows. My daily life is pretty dull. But we'll see!