The Times They Are A Changing.

In my 10 years of performing, things have changed for the better and the not so great. When I started out, I did a lot of research. I did research on songs, on styles, on costume ideas, on basically everything that makes up an act. I did this because I never wanted to come off like I was copying someone. I never wanted to step on toes. I never wanted to make someone be upset with me when all I did was like a song enough to do my own interpretation.

Then I started falling into doing more Nerdlesque. Another reason to research. Does someone else do a character? Are they well known for doing said character? Ooh it looks like we had similar ideas... So I'd do a thing, I'd reach out to them. Shoot them a quick Myspace message or an email (if I had access to it). I'd say I loved their work, but I didn't want to step on toes... I was looking at doing an act as the same character. If they were not okay with this, I would back off.

No, no one "owns" a character unless it's literally YOUR OWN LICENSED CHARACTER... but.. it was always just a nice gesture. More times than not the performer and I would compare notes, and being as mine would be completely different and we'd (most likely) be on other sides of the state/country/etc, I'd get their blessing and I'd go for it. Whenever I teach I always tell people do to this. Why? Because it's courtesy. Sometimes a performer comes back going, "Oh I'd rather you not for these specific reasons". Yes, it would be a bummer. But you'd move on. You'll get another lightning strike of genius, I promise. Maybe you'll think it's not as good. Maybe it'll even be better than the original idea. But you'd never know until it happened.

I've noticed a pattern in the last few years since Nerdlesque has exploded onto the scene (which is AWESOME). A lot of characters are getting shared. And that's still AWESOME. I love seeing other's ideas and ways of showing their love for the same things I do. But the thing is, when performers are in the same state/are... the courtesy has been lost. No one does that one simple act of "Hey just wanted to reach out, because I saw you do X and you're pretty well known for X. I wanted to do an act as X as well. Just wanted to give you a heads up!" I'm probably not going to say no. I have a very small list of acts where if someone came and said "Hey I wanted to do this thing!" I'd probably be a pain in the ass and say "Aw come on could ya not?"

I have no legal grounds to stand on. I didn't draw the characters. I didn't write the music. I didn't do any of those things. But what I did do is put my heart and soul into an act to make sure it was as individual as possible, and I know you can too. But just do that simple "Hey heads up!" It saves everyone a world of UGHHHHH.

Happy birthday, Mom!

My mom is internet challenged. But I felt like writing a little something for her while watching a Golden Girls marathon (so appropriate). She turns 60 years old today. I felt kinda crappy because I can't really afford a huge blowout gift or party for her. But she's the type of woman who gets mad when I pick up the bill for a sack of Sliders at White Castle. She owns a landscaping business and actually works alongside her employees digging, planting, cutting, etc. She's always been my rock, my crazy (sometimes ditzy) rock. Anytime I need a shoulder or a listening ear, she's there night or day. She's there for me through thick and thin, and she always makes sure I am happy. When I was in a deep depression in the darkest time of my life, she didn't give up on me. She has never ever made me feel guilty for anything. But she is the greatest woman to ever ever ever grace my life. When I got into Burlesque 7 years ago (holy shit) I was afraid to tell her for the first year, but after I did she was nervous. But she supported me. She would tell me, "As long as you're safe, go for it. You're young. Have fun." She has bought me costume pieces and props. She marvels at my rhinestone encrusted creations and when a show is close to home she comes and sits in the front row screaming the loudest and waving her arms like a crazy person (while eating mozzarella sticks and drinking a Diet Coke). It's because of her I'm obsessed with films like Ghostbusters, Back to the Future, anything Disney related, and the Birdcage. She's the reason I am who I am.

I love you mom. Even though you probably won't see this. I love you, you crazy crazy woman you.

I'm Proud of You.

So this weekend was the very first New Jersey Burlesque Festival. As I was driving home after the 2nd night, my brain was totally buzzing with feelings and emotions (and also the caffeine from the 5 hour energy).

I'm dedicating this post to my friend Khon.

I met him when I was 20 years old, and performing in Rocky Horror. He was in the audience with a girl I also became friends with and I crashed into him (or did I step on his foot?) while I was running around and I apologized all damn night to him until I left. His friend ended up joining the cast, so I ended up becoming friends with her and later befriending him. She went away for a bunch of months and Khon and I ended up talking more and more online then one random Saturday we hung out one on one for the first time and saw the uplifting film "Black Snake Moan". From then on we were best buddies. We hung out constantly, watched awesome movies, and did awesome stuff.

The month before I turned 21 I ventured into the world of Burlesque with the girl I mentioned before. It seemed like an awesome crazy thing to do so why not? Khon was there, he did tech for the show with my oddball ex boyfriend and it was a good time (He had to keep me from killing my ex that night. That was fun). As my curiosity in performing burlesque grew, Khon was always there. He was always helping me find and/or edit my songs, helping me find costuming, driving or riding with me to my shows so I wouldn't have to go alone, and videoing all of my acts. We started making more friends within the burlesque scene, and then bringing more people into the scene eventually as well.

A couple of years later Khon started getting the producing bug. He came to me in 2010 saying "Hey, I wanna try and put a troupe together. Wanna do it?" (in so many words) I was on board immediately. We got our friends together and started booking a few shows under the name of Ink & Paint Club Burlesque. Eventually our troupe grew and our shows were getting more awesome every time. In 2011 Khon mentioned that he wanted to have a huge showcase featuring all kinds of different performers local and non local. It sounded super awesome. So then the New Jersey Burlesque Showcase was born at Roxy & Dukes Roadhouse in Dunellen, NJ. The first show was standing room only, and it was a huge hit.

Here and there over the next couple of years he'd say "Oh man I wanna produce like a huge festival in NJ. We don't have a festival like other states." We'd always talk about it in a "some day at some point" way.

This past January Ink & Paint had a meeting and he announced he was trying to make the big festival happen this year. All of us were excited because that's a huge deal but we wanted to see what happened before anything was set.

This past weekend the festival happened. All of the years of "That would be really cool" and "I wish this could happen" actually happened. Performers from all over came out to do this amazing festival. I headlined on the first night with Hazel Honeysuckle, and I&P nailed a group act that was thrown around here and there for the last few years as well. Khon did it. He produced a big ass amazing show jam packed with burlesque, sideshow, comedy, and magic. Both nights were completely packed and standing room only at the legendary New Jersey venue, Asbury Lanes in Asbury Park, NJ on a gorgeous summer weekend in August.

We went from two goofy goofs seeing a mildly uncomfortable movie, to best friends. We've had our ups and downs. We drive each other absolutely fucking crazy some times. But god damn it, Khon. I'm fucking proud of you. You did it. High fives and hugs for 5ever.

Thank you for always pushing me to keep going. Thank you for driving me and riding with me to shows. Thank you for letting me headline the biggest deal ever. Thank you for all of the times you've pulled over to a McDonald's (or whatever fast food was available) when I was cranky and hungry. Thank you for putting up with my shit for all these damn years. Thank you for being my rock.

You're fucking awesome.

Apparently I'm a celebrity!

So. As a few of you know, I work in childcare. I work in a center in an infant age classroom.

As far as I knew nobody knew about well, me. Except one girl who I work with who I have known since high school and helped get me the job in the first place.

I have an Instagram (who doesn't these days?), two Facebook pages, and a Facebook Fan Page. My Instagram is locked down (you have to request to follow me). My personal page is non searchable. The other two you could find if you just searched Lily Stitches. I follow a local nail salon where I get my nails done, and sometimes when she does crazy stuff on my nails she posts it. Or I'll "like" something on it. Or she'll tag me. No big deal.

A girl I work with in my room is 17, and she follows the same nail tech. She saw the nail picture, put two and two together and was like "OH OKAY." and Googled her heart out. While her other 17 year old friend was with her. Who went to another friend, and more.

This is bound to happen, so I'm not completely offended. But I -DO- get offended when a girl who I have little to no problem with (my only problem with her is that she's not very good with the kids and is pretty obnoxious. Also goes around screaming about her fake IDs, partying, etc.) finding out then GOING TO THE DIRECTOR OF MY JOB TELLING HER SHE'S OFFENDED BY ME AND ISN'T COMFORTABLE WITH ME WORKING WITH CHILDREN.

This brings me back to this post that I made last year. I am not hurting the kids. I am not hurting any of my coworkers by doing what I do. If I offend you, I offend you. Don't try to pull my job out from under me for it. From what the grapevine has told me, this went down about a month ago, and if I were to be fired I feel like I would have been fired by now.

But fast forward to yesterday I was sitting at work. All of the kids were sleeping, so it was the 17 year old, a 19 year old substitute, and myself. The substitute was asking me about some cosplay help (She wants to make Poison Ivy) and we were just talking about that kinda stuff when she said, "Well... I kinda hear you... were a dancer?"

FFFFUUUUCK.

Apparently another girl had heard about my little "secret" and told the sub about it. I asked her how it even came up. She said it was random because they were just talking about different classrooms and I just kinda popped up in conversation. Again, this is what I do. The girl isn't spreading lies. But jeez, who knew I'd be so popular! I'm also glad that these girls are so bored with their own lives that they think they can somehow try to bring me down for living the life I love.

Oof.

So I'll post updates on the job front if/when they come to me.. but until then I will leave with a song in my heart and a spring in my step!

Body stuff... but I love food!

I feel like this is a long post coming, but it won't be a long post. It's just a feeling I get once in awhile but I felt like I needed to address it.

I have massive body issues. When I was a kid up until I want to say I was about 22 I was about 110 lbs (soaking wet with quarters filling my pockets). Also when I was 22 I dated a guy who convinced me I was chubby and also convinced me to go on a 1000 calorie a day diet. It lasted for about a month, then I gave up because I was at AnimeNext and being at a convention while dieting is pretty impossible.

There I am at age 22, probably at about 110-115 lbs. There are photos from that shoot where you can see my ribs! I haven't seen my ribs in a very long time! But the downside to this was that I hated having no curves. I couldn't twirl tassels. I had no "shape" to me. I was even skinny shamed in a review of a burlesque show I was in because I was "too" skinny. And that killed me.

Flash forward to me now. I've been dieting on and off and working out on and off for the past year. I've finally actually cut the shit and got serious. I cut out all soda in the past week (1 week going strong! woo!), and I still have to get onto portion controlling/cutting down on garbage food. 

I feel like in the past year though my body issues have skyrocketed even when I'm around the most supportive and wonderful people ever. When I went to New York Comic Con this year I cried the entire morning getting ready because I just felt disgusting. I felt like I was a sausage stuffed into this costume. When I took photos my poses were either goofy (on purpose) or awkward because I was just so uncomfortable. 

You can tell me a thousand times that I look great. You can tell me a thousand more times that I'm being crazy. But if I'm uncomfortable, I'm uncomfortable. I won't listen to you or whoever say "No! You look amazing, really!" I get anxiety. I get scared I'm going to end up on a website shaming me for wearing what I want to wear, when I worked my ass off on that costume. One of my best friends almost had to drag me out of the house when I was so sad wearing it. 

But now I'm trying to work out and eat better for myself, not anyone else. I want to be comfortable in my own skin for once. I'm cosplaying Felicia this summer, and I just want to feel awesome in it and not be worried the entire time that someone will be wondering "Ugh why would she think she could wear that?" I won't be constantly thinking "If I bend over in this act my stomach will sag... oh god... need to think about that..." 

But I mainly just wanted to make this post to tell myself that it's okay to feel like I do sometimes. And it's okay to have Taco Bell for dinner after an awesome day with friends. And it's also okay to want to improve myself for me. I don't have a "goal weight". I just want to look in the mirror naked and go "Yes. This is good." which I've been doing more often than not in the past week. 

And I'm rambling now. Have a good one, everyone!

I only post serious things apparently.

So this coming weekend is Anime Next in Somerset, NJ. Those of you who know me, know this is my home convention. It's about 30 minutes from me, and circumstances aside... I love going to this con. I've been going since 2008, and even if I'm a complete shitshow while I'm there I still have fun at some point.

But I digress. This isn't a "my favorite conventions!!!!!!!!!!!!111!!!ONE!" post.

I had a conversation with a friend of mine tonight over dinner, and I'm actually a little nervous about going. I've been a little nervous about conventions lately in general. It's because of the bullshit going on with the awful behavior at conventions.

I'm not talking about the bullying and the snark. That's anywhere you go. I'm talking about the jackasses who find it acceptable to paparazzi girls' butts, and grope and say and do lewd things. I feel like I'm hopping on a train of blogs doing this, but seriously. It's ridiculous. I should NOT be afraid to go to one of my favorite conventions due to the possibility of some dumb fuck grabbing my ass during a photo op.

At Wizard World Philly this year I had the pleasure of guesting with Pretty Poison Burlesque and working their booth for a couple of hours. Some dude took a picture of my hiney. Yes, I was in my Harley Bunny outfit. Yes it's high cut. I turned around and called him out on it. Did he delete the photo? Probably not. But did I feel better shaming him on being a fucking creep? Yes.

What's sad is because I've become a "sexy" cosplayer (Most of my cosplays are burlesque-optional so...yeah.), I have come to expect the negative attention. I shouldn't have to psyche myself up before leaving my house or hotel room thinking "Okay the negative will come with the positive- and GO."

At my first ever New York Comic Con I went as Catwoman. Well, what I called Catwoman. Vinyl shirt, corset, booty shorts, high boots, whip, ears, and goggles. I was doing an interview for some youtube channel and mid interview a random guy came up, literally BENT OVER and took a picture of my ass. About a foot away from me. Honestly, I was horrified, but I was on camera so I just kind of laughed it off. But that's another scenario we're put in. We feel so awkward most of the time in a situation that we laugh it off. And as someone who does this, I know it isn't okay. But as a burlesque performer I have to always (attempt) to be on best behavior when I am representing myself as well as my troupe. So that's always a huge bummer.

At AnimeUSA 2010, I was roofied. I was under the impression that I was "safe" at an Anime convention. It's a bunch of nerds like me, right?

I completed the show that night I was performing in. Then Luna Chase and I hit the rave. We danced, we were having an amazing time, and started dancing with a couple of handsome young fellows. We finished off our "Pepsi" we were drinking, and went back up to my hotel room for a drink. That's when things got fuzzy for me. The young handsome men cleared out when our other friends showed up to my room to hang out and play kings. I blacked out, and during the blackout I flipped out and threw my Nintendo DS against the wall. I kicked everyone out of the room. When Luna and Mr. Khon came back in (Luna went for a cigarette) I was in hysterics crying because I had come out of the black hole I was in and didn't know where everyone went. Khon looked at my eyes (they were incredibly dilated), and the assumption was that I was roofied. When that came about I panicked not because anything happened... because of what fucking COULD have happened to me.

Sorry if this post is a big mess, but it's kinda hard to put some things into words sometimes when they're all jumbling around in my head.



I just made this post in an effort to say: Stay safe.
If you're partying: Party safe.

xo

Lily Stitches

"Why didn't you tell me you are a 'dancer'?"

I have been preparing for this day since I started being heavily involved in the burlesque scene about 5 years ago. When I first started I waved my real legal name around as well as my stage name, but then when I started getting serious about it, I got a separate Facebook, Twitter, etc.

Fast forward to this morning. I was on my 3rd day of my brand new job, which was a nanny gig. Lovely family, awesome kid. Hours were amazing. Everything about it was pretty perfect.

Until today.

Around 10:45, I was playing with some Play Doh with the kid and we were having a great time doing so. Mom came downstairs (she works from home) and told me she had to talk to me. I said, okay go for it. She said to me,

"So, your background check just came back. Why didn't you tell me in your interview that you are... a dancer?"

She had a look on her face of mild disgust and a little bit of fear mixed in. I told her the truth:

"I keep my private life and my professional life as separated as humanly possible". I stood up to talk to her and the woman BACKED AWAY from me. She told me that me hiding this "changes everything", and she now had to call her husband to discuss whether they could keep me on. She went upstairs, and came back downstairs about 10 minutes later (maybe even less, it just felt like an eternity) and told me she was going to pay me for yesterday and today, and that she was so sorry it didn't work out. She really liked me. Liked. Past tense. And she hoped I understood, it was because I kept the secret from her, and because of a cultural difference. She ended everything by saying "Hopefully you can find a family with a more open mind."

I left the house. I had a good cry. An ugly cry. You know those cries, when boogers and tears are all over your face and in your hair, and your eyes get all puffy and gross. It lasted the ride home (15 minutes... it was even close to my home!), then I got home, and thought about all of this.

Yes. I am a "dancer". I'm a burlesque performer. I'm a stripper. A model. An alt. model. A cosplayer. What else can I name? But the fact is, my hobby (and/or sidejob) is still taboo. Also, what I do after I clock out at 6pm is my business as long as it will not hinder my being able to work or keeping the child safe.

I have a childcare resume that could be made of gold. I have excellent references. I have an extensive history working with any age level thrown at me (for lack of better words). I have a clean driving record, and a reliable vehicle. I have been working with kids since I was 14, doing babysitting jobs, nanny gigs, summer camp counseling jobs, etc. I am an incredibly capable worker... but the fact that I don a pair of tassels and some fringe is offensive.

Please, someone fill me in where this is "unsafe" for your child between the hours of 8:30am and 6pm? Am I rhinestoning a bra during arts and crafts time? No. Am I practicing my tassel twirls during dance time? Hell no. You know what I am doing? Keeping to the schedule that the employer gives me, doing everything in my power to keep the child (or children) safe, healthy, and happy. I mean please, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs, I only drink (socially) on the weekends, and for fuck's sake I'm usually in bed by 10:00 during the week just so I know I won't be all gross and exhausted the next day!

What do I spend the paycheck I am given on?
-Car bills
-Insurance bills
-Groceries
-Clothing
-Misc. fun stuff
-Rhinestones
-Costuming

Now, discriminant parent, what do you spend your money on? Everything except the rhinestones and costuming (unless you are buying rhinestones and costuming for YOUR extracurricular activities which I do not care to know about since it is none of my business what you do after I leave that house every evening).

Now when I cried at the loss of my job, I did not feel an ounce of shame for what I do. I never did. I still do not. I cried because hell, I just lost my main source of income after only THREE DAYS because someone has a closed mind about someone who is beyond capable (and happy) to take care of their first born. It hurt that only 2 hours before this same parent was warmly talking to me about colleges and weekend plans and etc and so on, but then was looking at me as if I were a disgusting creature. A creature dressed in pasties and a g string. Mind you I was wearing fluffy slipper socks, baggy carpenter pants and a huge sweatshirt complete with no makeup and a loose ponytail. Could not be more glamorous, obviously.


My last thought will be, I am not trying to "slam" this family. They are a wonderful, loving, welcoming family, and I have been mentally preparing myself for this for years, since I love working with kids, I can understand (to a point) the problem. But at the same time (as I said before) I'm not hurting anyone with what I do in my private life. It's just a shame that the employer lost someone so invested in a job, over something they could not get over. My other thought is: if that has been coming up on my background check for the last 5 years... no one else had a problem with it, why should you?

I'm going to finally close with a few clips that are from cartoons and/or family films that have pretty much opened the doors to what I do today....