So this coming weekend is Anime Next in Somerset, NJ. Those of you who know me, know this is my home convention. It's about 30 minutes from me, and circumstances aside... I love going to this con. I've been going since 2008, and even if I'm a complete shitshow while I'm there I still have fun at some point.
But I digress. This isn't a "my favorite conventions!!!!!!!!!!!!111!!!ONE!" post.
I had a conversation with a friend of mine tonight over dinner, and I'm actually a little nervous about going. I've been a little nervous about conventions lately in general. It's because of the bullshit going on with the awful behavior at conventions.
I'm not talking about the bullying and the snark. That's anywhere you go. I'm talking about the jackasses who find it acceptable to paparazzi girls' butts, and grope and say and do lewd things. I feel like I'm hopping on a train of blogs doing this, but seriously. It's ridiculous. I should NOT be afraid to go to one of my favorite conventions due to the possibility of some dumb fuck grabbing my ass during a photo op.
At Wizard World Philly this year I had the pleasure of guesting with Pretty Poison Burlesque and working their booth for a couple of hours. Some dude took a picture of my hiney. Yes, I was in my Harley Bunny outfit. Yes it's high cut. I turned around and called him out on it. Did he delete the photo? Probably not. But did I feel better shaming him on being a fucking creep? Yes.
What's sad is because I've become a "sexy" cosplayer (Most of my cosplays are burlesque-optional so...yeah.), I have come to expect the negative attention. I shouldn't have to psyche myself up before leaving my house or hotel room thinking "Okay the negative will come with the positive- and GO."
At my first ever New York Comic Con I went as Catwoman. Well, what I called Catwoman. Vinyl shirt, corset, booty shorts, high boots, whip, ears, and goggles. I was doing an interview for some youtube channel and mid interview a random guy came up, literally BENT OVER and took a picture of my ass. About a foot away from me. Honestly, I was horrified, but I was on camera so I just kind of laughed it off. But that's another scenario we're put in. We feel so awkward most of the time in a situation that we laugh it off. And as someone who does this, I know it isn't okay. But as a burlesque performer I have to always (attempt) to be on best behavior when I am representing myself as well as my troupe. So that's always a huge bummer.
At AnimeUSA 2010, I was roofied. I was under the impression that I was "safe" at an Anime convention. It's a bunch of nerds like me, right?
I completed the show that night I was performing in. Then Luna Chase and I hit the rave. We danced, we were having an amazing time, and started dancing with a couple of handsome young fellows. We finished off our "Pepsi" we were drinking, and went back up to my hotel room for a drink. That's when things got fuzzy for me. The young handsome men cleared out when our other friends showed up to my room to hang out and play kings. I blacked out, and during the blackout I flipped out and threw my Nintendo DS against the wall. I kicked everyone out of the room. When Luna and Mr. Khon came back in (Luna went for a cigarette) I was in hysterics crying because I had come out of the black hole I was in and didn't know where everyone went. Khon looked at my eyes (they were incredibly dilated), and the assumption was that I was roofied. When that came about I panicked not because anything happened... because of what fucking COULD have happened to me.
Sorry if this post is a big mess, but it's kinda hard to put some things into words sometimes when they're all jumbling around in my head.
I just made this post in an effort to say: Stay safe.
If you're partying: Party safe.
xo
Lily Stitches
About Me
- Lily Stitches
- I'm a burlesque dancer out of New Jersey. I perform all up and down the East Coast and this blog will be all about my videos, shoots, and just... random stuff with me!
Monday, June 3, 2013
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
"Why didn't you tell me you are a 'dancer'?"
I have been preparing for this day since I started being heavily involved in the burlesque scene about 5 years ago. When I first started I waved my real legal name around as well as my stage name, but then when I started getting serious about it, I got a separate Facebook, Twitter, etc.
Fast forward to this morning. I was on my 3rd day of my brand new job, which was a nanny gig. Lovely family, awesome kid. Hours were amazing. Everything about it was pretty perfect.
Until today.
Around 10:45, I was playing with some Play Doh with the kid and we were having a great time doing so. Mom came downstairs (she works from home) and told me she had to talk to me. I said, okay go for it. She said to me,
"So, your background check just came back. Why didn't you tell me in your interview that you are... a dancer?"
She had a look on her face of mild disgust and a little bit of fear mixed in. I told her the truth:
"I keep my private life and my professional life as separated as humanly possible". I stood up to talk to her and the woman BACKED AWAY from me. She told me that me hiding this "changes everything", and she now had to call her husband to discuss whether they could keep me on. She went upstairs, and came back downstairs about 10 minutes later (maybe even less, it just felt like an eternity) and told me she was going to pay me for yesterday and today, and that she was so sorry it didn't work out. She really liked me. Liked. Past tense. And she hoped I understood, it was because I kept the secret from her, and because of a cultural difference. She ended everything by saying "Hopefully you can find a family with a more open mind."
I left the house. I had a good cry. An ugly cry. You know those cries, when boogers and tears are all over your face and in your hair, and your eyes get all puffy and gross. It lasted the ride home (15 minutes... it was even close to my home!), then I got home, and thought about all of this.
Yes. I am a "dancer". I'm a burlesque performer. I'm a stripper. A model. An alt. model. A cosplayer. What else can I name? But the fact is, my hobby (and/or sidejob) is still taboo. Also, what I do after I clock out at 6pm is my business as long as it will not hinder my being able to work or keeping the child safe.
I have a childcare resume that could be made of gold. I have excellent references. I have an extensive history working with any age level thrown at me (for lack of better words). I have a clean driving record, and a reliable vehicle. I have been working with kids since I was 14, doing babysitting jobs, nanny gigs, summer camp counseling jobs, etc. I am an incredibly capable worker... but the fact that I don a pair of tassels and some fringe is offensive.
Please, someone fill me in where this is "unsafe" for your child between the hours of 8:30am and 6pm? Am I rhinestoning a bra during arts and crafts time? No. Am I practicing my tassel twirls during dance time? Hell no. You know what I am doing? Keeping to the schedule that the employer gives me, doing everything in my power to keep the child (or children) safe, healthy, and happy. I mean please, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs, I only drink (socially) on the weekends, and for fuck's sake I'm usually in bed by 10:00 during the week just so I know I won't be all gross and exhausted the next day!
What do I spend the paycheck I am given on?
-Car bills
-Insurance bills
-Groceries
-Clothing
-Misc. fun stuff
-Rhinestones
-Costuming
Now, discriminant parent, what do you spend your money on? Everything except the rhinestones and costuming (unless you are buying rhinestones and costuming for YOUR extracurricular activities which I do not care to know about since it is none of my business what you do after I leave that house every evening).
Now when I cried at the loss of my job, I did not feel an ounce of shame for what I do. I never did. I still do not. I cried because hell, I just lost my main source of income after only THREE DAYS because someone has a closed mind about someone who is beyond capable (and happy) to take care of their first born. It hurt that only 2 hours before this same parent was warmly talking to me about colleges and weekend plans and etc and so on, but then was looking at me as if I were a disgusting creature. A creature dressed in pasties and a g string. Mind you I was wearing fluffy slipper socks, baggy carpenter pants and a huge sweatshirt complete with no makeup and a loose ponytail. Could not be more glamorous, obviously.
My last thought will be, I am not trying to "slam" this family. They are a wonderful, loving, welcoming family, and I have been mentally preparing myself for this for years, since I love working with kids, I can understand (to a point) the problem. But at the same time (as I said before) I'm not hurting anyone with what I do in my private life. It's just a shame that the employer lost someone so invested in a job, over something they could not get over. My other thought is: if that has been coming up on my background check for the last 5 years... no one else had a problem with it, why should you?
I'm going to finally close with a few clips that are from cartoons and/or family films that have pretty much opened the doors to what I do today....
Fast forward to this morning. I was on my 3rd day of my brand new job, which was a nanny gig. Lovely family, awesome kid. Hours were amazing. Everything about it was pretty perfect.
Until today.
Around 10:45, I was playing with some Play Doh with the kid and we were having a great time doing so. Mom came downstairs (she works from home) and told me she had to talk to me. I said, okay go for it. She said to me,
"So, your background check just came back. Why didn't you tell me in your interview that you are... a dancer?"
She had a look on her face of mild disgust and a little bit of fear mixed in. I told her the truth:
"I keep my private life and my professional life as separated as humanly possible". I stood up to talk to her and the woman BACKED AWAY from me. She told me that me hiding this "changes everything", and she now had to call her husband to discuss whether they could keep me on. She went upstairs, and came back downstairs about 10 minutes later (maybe even less, it just felt like an eternity) and told me she was going to pay me for yesterday and today, and that she was so sorry it didn't work out. She really liked me. Liked. Past tense. And she hoped I understood, it was because I kept the secret from her, and because of a cultural difference. She ended everything by saying "Hopefully you can find a family with a more open mind."
I left the house. I had a good cry. An ugly cry. You know those cries, when boogers and tears are all over your face and in your hair, and your eyes get all puffy and gross. It lasted the ride home (15 minutes... it was even close to my home!), then I got home, and thought about all of this.
Yes. I am a "dancer". I'm a burlesque performer. I'm a stripper. A model. An alt. model. A cosplayer. What else can I name? But the fact is, my hobby (and/or sidejob) is still taboo. Also, what I do after I clock out at 6pm is my business as long as it will not hinder my being able to work or keeping the child safe.
I have a childcare resume that could be made of gold. I have excellent references. I have an extensive history working with any age level thrown at me (for lack of better words). I have a clean driving record, and a reliable vehicle. I have been working with kids since I was 14, doing babysitting jobs, nanny gigs, summer camp counseling jobs, etc. I am an incredibly capable worker... but the fact that I don a pair of tassels and some fringe is offensive.
Please, someone fill me in where this is "unsafe" for your child between the hours of 8:30am and 6pm? Am I rhinestoning a bra during arts and crafts time? No. Am I practicing my tassel twirls during dance time? Hell no. You know what I am doing? Keeping to the schedule that the employer gives me, doing everything in my power to keep the child (or children) safe, healthy, and happy. I mean please, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs, I only drink (socially) on the weekends, and for fuck's sake I'm usually in bed by 10:00 during the week just so I know I won't be all gross and exhausted the next day!
What do I spend the paycheck I am given on?
-Car bills
-Insurance bills
-Groceries
-Clothing
-Misc. fun stuff
-Rhinestones
-Costuming
Now, discriminant parent, what do you spend your money on? Everything except the rhinestones and costuming (unless you are buying rhinestones and costuming for YOUR extracurricular activities which I do not care to know about since it is none of my business what you do after I leave that house every evening).
Now when I cried at the loss of my job, I did not feel an ounce of shame for what I do. I never did. I still do not. I cried because hell, I just lost my main source of income after only THREE DAYS because someone has a closed mind about someone who is beyond capable (and happy) to take care of their first born. It hurt that only 2 hours before this same parent was warmly talking to me about colleges and weekend plans and etc and so on, but then was looking at me as if I were a disgusting creature. A creature dressed in pasties and a g string. Mind you I was wearing fluffy slipper socks, baggy carpenter pants and a huge sweatshirt complete with no makeup and a loose ponytail. Could not be more glamorous, obviously.
My last thought will be, I am not trying to "slam" this family. They are a wonderful, loving, welcoming family, and I have been mentally preparing myself for this for years, since I love working with kids, I can understand (to a point) the problem. But at the same time (as I said before) I'm not hurting anyone with what I do in my private life. It's just a shame that the employer lost someone so invested in a job, over something they could not get over. My other thought is: if that has been coming up on my background check for the last 5 years... no one else had a problem with it, why should you?
I'm going to finally close with a few clips that are from cartoons and/or family films that have pretty much opened the doors to what I do today....
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Who is the controversial Lily Stitch(es)?
I haven't posted in over a year. This is very true. When I set out to do this blog I was jobless and had all the time in the world... then I picked up my full time muggle job and here we are!
I thought I needed to write a blog post about this.
My dad and I have always been... well... we've had an interesting relationship. When we are close we are super awesome bff close. But when we fight, the world might as well be collapsing around us. Ever since I was young we have never been able to have a sit down discussion without one of us to both of us screaming at each other and fighting (he would usually be the trigger). We have gone up to two months without speaking after a fight (I know, some people go years but months is a long time, too).
Recently an issue came up with him, which lead to me full on outing myself as a burlesque performer to him. He had a vague idea of me, thinking I mostly modeled, I cosplayed, and that's about it. But his lady friend went around saying I was a stripper a couple of months back, and I knew whenever the drama hit the fan in his home it would come up again. I admitted to being a performer, and he said that no matter what he'd be proud of me. Yesterday we had the very first conversation.. in my entire life.. that didn't result in a terrible screaming match and hurt feelings.
Today he stopped by again, and we had a two hour conversation over what I do. He read the two Courier News articles I was in. And expressed his worries, which is fine, he is my dad. His two big "problems" were people judging me, and just my overall safety. He asked me after almost 6 years I never told him. I told him the truth: that I was afraid. We never have actual sit down talks without one of us getting all riled up. And it was just... really nice. It was nice to actually talk. And tell him things. And he saw the articles and I told him stories and he was just so surprised. And told me he was proud of me.
I'm an incredibly lucky person. I have a supportive group around me. My friends, my family. I just... I don't think I could feel better right now. And I just wanted to share it with the world.
I thought I needed to write a blog post about this.
My dad and I have always been... well... we've had an interesting relationship. When we are close we are super awesome bff close. But when we fight, the world might as well be collapsing around us. Ever since I was young we have never been able to have a sit down discussion without one of us to both of us screaming at each other and fighting (he would usually be the trigger). We have gone up to two months without speaking after a fight (I know, some people go years but months is a long time, too).
Recently an issue came up with him, which lead to me full on outing myself as a burlesque performer to him. He had a vague idea of me, thinking I mostly modeled, I cosplayed, and that's about it. But his lady friend went around saying I was a stripper a couple of months back, and I knew whenever the drama hit the fan in his home it would come up again. I admitted to being a performer, and he said that no matter what he'd be proud of me. Yesterday we had the very first conversation.. in my entire life.. that didn't result in a terrible screaming match and hurt feelings.
Today he stopped by again, and we had a two hour conversation over what I do. He read the two Courier News articles I was in. And expressed his worries, which is fine, he is my dad. His two big "problems" were people judging me, and just my overall safety. He asked me after almost 6 years I never told him. I told him the truth: that I was afraid. We never have actual sit down talks without one of us getting all riled up. And it was just... really nice. It was nice to actually talk. And tell him things. And he saw the articles and I told him stories and he was just so surprised. And told me he was proud of me.
I'm an incredibly lucky person. I have a supportive group around me. My friends, my family. I just... I don't think I could feel better right now. And I just wanted to share it with the world.
Thanks, Dad. For stepping up for me. And just being you.
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